Man Arrested in ‘White’ Hate Crime

Man Arrested in ‘White’ Hate Crime
Frank Gibby Vandalizing Portrait at Ceremony
Honoring Betty White

Spectators could not believe their eyes Thursday evening when belligerent actor, writer and part time TSA agent, Frank Gibby, stormed an awards ceremony honoring veteran actress Betty White. Publically defacing her enlarged photograph with a “villains mustache” and Sean-Connery-like eyebrows, Gibby signed his name and then began caressing his destructive artwork and humming the Golden Girls theme song.  Gibby then attempted to escape the auditorium by elbowing ushers and giving a very believable Betty White impression followed by an energetic sprint through the lobby where Gibby was quickly

Betty White watching as Gibby is being arrested

“clothes-lined” by Barbara Walters, knocking him unconscious until police arrived to take him into custody.


Man Falls to Death in Skydiving Accident After Losing Monkey Twin Brother

Man Falls to Death in Skydiving Accident After Losing Monkey Twin Brother
Twin Brothers Cameron and Carmichael Stillson

30-year-old Cameron Acel Stillson, animal rights activist and twin brother to Carmichael Stillson, a hybrid-human and macaque monkey, plummeted to his death late Wednesday evening after failing to pull the ripcord to his parachute during his weekly skydive. 
Stillson, who according to family and friends, had been suffering from depression during the past month after his twin-brother Carmichael, went missing after a heated argument that took place between him and Stillson.   Stillson later organized a search party and spent fruitless man hours in search of his lost pet brother.


Cameron Stillson and Monkey Search Party

After receiving hundreds of false leads and dozens of prank phone calls from people pretending to be his hybrid brother, Stillson soon gave up hope and later called off the search for his vanished primate sibling.    


Stillson confused and spiraling out of control

Stillson, who has faked injuries after every single one of his 127 skydive jumps, arrived Wednesday evening eager and ready to make his first solo-jump.  “He kept complaining of stomach pains from a bag of bad monkey seed he had just eaten,”stated Will Shrout, Stillson’s skydiving instructor. After the failed skydive Stillson was met by paramedics who found Stillson  alive and clutching a photograph of his monkey-brother with the words “FIND HIM” written in red crayon.  After several hours of appearing to be dead, Stillson awoke and returned home, alluding police and medical examiner questioning.  Stillson was later arrested for faking his death and stated, “I just wanted to find my brother”. Stillson is currently being held without bail in the Weber County Jail.