Disneyland Burns Down: Mickey Missing, Presumed Dead!


Cinderella’s Castle After Disneyland Fire

Patrons, Disney characters and employees
watched in terror early Thursday afternoon as
Disneyland caught fire, permanantly damaging
and torching 85 percent of the park.  The fire broke out and spread quickly when the mechanical animatronic version of Johnny Depp, from the Pirates of the Carribean ride, started smoking and immediately caught fire.The flames spread to surrounding attractions as the park was successfully evacuated with only a few missing Disney charcters, including Rodger Rabbit and Mickey Mouse. “It was like watching Fantasia while being sober, confusing and unenjoyable,” claimed a charred Pinnochio as he limped from the park obviously injured.


Front Gates of Disneyland as Fire Fights the Disney Frontier

Some Disneyland guests continued to fight their way inside the park gates in attempts to get a closer look as the firey flames continued to destroy ride by ride.   Once the fire had reached the firework storage bay, the sky was filled with fireworks and smoke.  Guests became encased with amusement as they stopped to watch the fireworks as angry firefighters fought to evacuate the chaotic chasm of melting magic.

Haunted Mansion Engulfed in Flames

Disney officials say it is quite likely the park will not rebuild and will close it’s gates indefinately due to the diminishing interest in park attendance that has been seen in recent years.  “I’m flabbergasted, simply flabberghasted that this would happen.  They are all amatuers if you ask me. If you want a safe and fire free park, then you’ve got to pay the price to protect the people!” exclaimed a very angry Captain Hook.
Disneyland has seen its share of disaster in the past, but nothing as devastating as this traumatic blow to the No. 1 loved theme park since 1955.
America and the world will miss you Disneyland. Rest in Peace Mickey!

Mickey Mouse Grave

Pope Benedict Married! Catholics Outraged!

Pope Benedict XVI & Bride Alisha Richards Benedict

Pope Benedict XVI shocked the entire catholic world Friday morning when he hastily married 23 year old actress and part-time waitress, Alisha Richards during a small outdoor ceremony behind the Vatican.  Pope Benedict, who was scheduled for his annual colonoscopy, surprised archbishops, cardinals and patriarchs during the weekly Catholic-Priest Picnic when he skipped his medical screening and introduced his then fiancé to the large group of confused clergymen.  Cardinal Lubomyr Husar, who is the current Major Archbishop for the Catholic Church, was invited by the Pope to conduct marriage ceremony. “I was literally too embarassed to say no.  How could I say ‘no’ to the Pope, when I secretly have several wives myself” Husar unintentionally admitted.  Following the ceremony, Pope Benedict stated, “Our modern world calls for modern relationships.  I have spent several minutes contemplating this marriage, it’s the best thing for me and for the Catholic Church.”  Loud emotions of praise and criticism poured into the Vatican early this morning as news spread worldwide of the Pope’s school boy misconduct.           (CONTINUE BELOW)

Benedict & Bride moments after wedding ceremony

Serious scandals have shaken the Catholic Church since its foundation, however none so violently as the marriage of No. 1 present-day leader to a second-class unknown.  Although there have been few Popes in the far past who have been married, no Pope in history has ever been married while practicing in ministry.
When asked if he’s going to continue to
practice celibacy, Benedict merely scoffed and stated, “I never really started.”  Following his raucous response Benedict smiled and said, “I’ve got a honeymoon to get to.”
Benedict announced he is taking time off and will return to his Popeship in October.